This is my first blog. Definitely a tongue in cheek writing. It's a bit weird but hopefully entertaining!
Dear Blake Shelton, Gwen Stefani and Adam Levine,
I have a bone to pick with you.
Let me start by saying that I am a fan of all three of you and by no means have any stalker intentions or other ill will intended. In fact, although I'm happily married, I'll admit to some man crushes going on. Sorry Gwen, I haven't switched sides yet. I've always said, though, that if this marriage thing doesn't work out, I would consider a non practicing lesbian lifestyle.
That being said, y'all (did you see how I added that southern drawl in there? yes, that's for Blake's benefit), are starting to affect my life in a negative way. I know, your saying to yourself "who is this nutcase?".....and you may be right, However, I'm just your average Mom of a 13 and 16 year old, with apparently too much time on her hands and, throw in a bit of insomnia as of late, and you have a recipe for me writing this to you.
You see, I have very intense dreams. As my husband can attest, at times I've been known to laugh, talk or even give him a swift hit with an arm or a leg. Sometimes he finds it funny, other times, not so much. I've grown to appreciate these dreams and I have even tried to interpret them from time to time. Of course I still don't know how me flying through the air and landing on the Statue of Liberty has any bearing on my present life. Side note** If anyone reading this has insight, I'd gladly hear it.
So, getting back to my beef....metaphorically speaking of course. The three of you have been in my dreams occasionally. I've chalked it up to watching too much of the Voice. You know how you watch, see or hear something and the next thing you know, its filling up your dreams in some strange way. The problem is, the Voice has been over for awhile now and I don't read or watch Entertainment articles that would put you in the subliminal portion of my brain to retrieve at a later date.
However, last night, there you were, all three of you in my living room hanging out. I don't know where my children or husband were, but Adam was sleeping in my daughters room with stuffed animals all around him (looking very comfy I might add). Gwen and Blake, I gave you my room to use. Now that I think of it though, I'm a bit embarrassed because it wasn't very clean and in major need of dusting. I hope I changed the sheets. I even made you pancakes with real Canadian maple syrup. In my house that's a big deal. I dislike cooking and my family would be the first to tell you that Kraft dinner and hot dogs are a nice gourmet meal, of course with some vegetables thrown in. What kind of mother do you think I am? I digress. After breakfast we hung out and listened to music and to put it frankly, we were instant bff's. It was a great time and I think I may have even belted out a song or two. You all turned around when I started singing, it was my own version of a three chair turn around. I had talent!
As all dreams do, it came to an end with the endless sound of my alarm clock. Reality check. Lunches. School. Back to normal. The problem is, the dream was so real that I feel as though I know you. But I don't. So many times I've picked up my phone to text, only realizing that I don't know your cell phone numbers or even how to contact you....and well, frankly, we would all agree, it would be creepy if I did. So here I sit, kids at school, husband at work and that excitement to have found three new bff's still lingering in my thoughts. The fun we could have had. Sadly, that's all that remains.
This is how you have affected my daily life. That was one dream. I can maybe get over it. But what about the next one and the next? I'm not sure my heart can bare the loss. Surely this can't be all of my doing though. Somehow you have invaded my dreams without asking and then left me high and dry. My maple syrup still sitting in my cupboard with no sign of recent use. My daughters bed made, the dust still on my furniture. No sign that you were here. But yet you go on with your life not knowing that I exist, while I mope around with my memories. I guess I'll be fine. Maybe its for the best. After all, we are worlds apart in so many ways. My conventional, sleep deprived, daily life compared to yours of fame and riches, surely could never intertwine.
So, as I close this letter, I ask that you please move on to someone else's dreams that can handle the emotional turmoil of reality upon waking up. Please know that if you do enter my dreams, don't take it personally if I don't invite you into my home. It'll just be ships passing in the night and nothing more.
See you in my dreams.............
by Mishell Laubenthal (please note that sarcasm is my first language, followed by a rough English)
